Transient.
Transient is such an interesting word, for a moment in stasis. So much happens in stillness, that silence is often overlooked. So little happens with haste, that quite often there is nothing much to remember once the moment has passed. All in all, this makes no sense to me either.
The real question is, what next?
Should I focus on rebuilding a home for our family? Should I focus on building what has become a potentially successful business in one of the fastest growing nations / economies in the world? Should I return to teach the brilliant students, in spite of / despite the outward expression of opposition from the deeply-rooted? Should I accept my obligation to build three landmark buildings and launch an architecture career that I have long overlooked? Should I go to sleep now, so that I will have enough energy to tackle the morning?
Alas, the morning is already upon us.
I dreamt of this moment for years, and now that I find myself standing on the crossroads, I do not know which way to go. My instincts have guided me for the entire duration of my life, and in this particular instance, I find that I am looking to my instincts for answers, that I should not have to look for.
I pride myself on the ability to solve complex problems; however on these issues, I find myself at a loss. What I do know is, with everyday, the path reveals itself.
“caminante, no hay camino…” (machado)
Part of your blog sounds like a composite of Sarah songs… crossroads, answers…
“I pride myself on the ability to solve complex problems; however on these issues, I find myself …”
A deliberate break in the sentence there, hon. I don’t feel as if you have ever lost yourself, perhaps just a transient occlusion due to circumstance - but it is after all - transient.
Even the clouds shadowing your sun take shape and are open to the creativity of your perception… it always is what you choose to see it as. And that is what has always mattered. Perspective. Choice.
Matter. Intention. Energy. Vision. Building(s). Remain(s). Central. You.
“What I do know is, with everyday, the path reveals itself.”
I used to believe this every day… and for now I find it hard to remind myself to believe in this simple truth and in that “my-self-ity” that you mention.
Thanks a million Kj.
Now… I long for the long lost years of listening to sarah maclachlan on repeat every night and painting and drawing what I now find it so hard to write.
… and still the funniest thing is, I do not even know the names of her songs. It is like having a love affair with the memory of a faded photograph. Who she was… and where to find her… still evades me.
[me is she... in the event that a wayward glance might slight the hand of Ms.Interpret's]
“… I love the time, and in between, the calm inside me… reaching out and reaching in, holding out, and holding in… I believe, this is heaven to no one else but me…
… and I’ll defend it just as long as I can be, left here to linger in silence. If I choose to, would you try to, understand.”
- Sarah MacLachlan, Elsewhere
(the other lady in the photograph)