Pilachi_Sketch [ BLOG ]

With one day to go… this feels like a huge weight that has been extricated from my body. I have been remade.

When I say one day to go, what exactly do I mean?

On 10 June 2008, while sitting beside Yung S. Y.–quite by accident–at the Central Hotel, working independently on the biggest breakthrough of my entire life, I received an email from a young lady with a comparable name. It was a painful email, but it was appropriate… and she was absolutely right. Her email has helped me with the most significant personal breakthrough of my entire life. Read more

With three days to go to the final fulfillment of my promise, I must say that this has been the single hardest year of my life; and in the same token, this has been the single most growth inducing year of my entire life.

In this year I have learnt many very good and very bad things about myself… and how to identify that those things are often one in the same, on a continuum that can either be balanced or out of sync.

I have cut back on the proclamations; because I recognize that I can only speak of things I know… and as time passes, I learn more and more that those who speak… usually do not know… and those who know, usually have no reason to speak. So I am erring on the side of the latter.

Having spent an incredible amount of time on a very spiritual journey, I have come to learn that I am seeking answers from people who may not be equiped to help me; and in seeking help, I use statements rather than questions… thereby reinforcing the notion that this one MUST be crazy. Perhaps this one is… perhaps this one is not. In the final analysis… God is my judge… and I am no judge to any man [or woman]. I am simply responsible for my choices and my character; as is everyone else.

What does that mean?

Well… in the year wherein I have learnt “not to pay kindness with unkindness” and not to “be boastful or proud”… I have come to learn the nature of humility, patience, forgiveness and most significantly… stillness. Read more

There are so many wonderful things happening in the world, that it is time to continuously be inspired. I just thought about the film “the firestarter” where a father and his small child where trying to maneuver the world while accepting their emotional intensity.

At the time, I thought it was an incredible film… well, it wasnt really… but I watched it at a time when I would have loved to have been able to start a fire with the emotions I was dealing with at that tender young age. Now… I thank God that I have art and dance and writing and painting and hiking and general eccentricity.

On the weekend I had the most amazing hike. For the first time, the children went hiking… and sharing that part of my life with them was absolutely incredible. Read more

Coming back to Jamaica has not been easy… but I have to tell you, the clouds just opened up and revealed to me the most splendid and magnificent rainbow. Here is why…

By Friday morning when I went to my son’s “Boys Day” at his school… where fathers take a day to be with their sons… I was deflated by the undefined energy subsuming what has been manifesting in a much different way on all fronts. Yet, somewhere in the course of the weekend… peace overcame my being in the same way that a cool breeze catches your attention just before the rains.

Showers of blessings abound. Read more

Being back in jamaica has been a mixed bag of emotions. It has been really hard coming back into this undefined space; but it has been really amazing spending time with the children… Zahra especially. She is so refreshingly happy to see me. The feeling is nothing short of incredible.

I must say that she loved the stuffed white seal… and carries it around everywhere. She loves the Mr. Potato-head… which she says is an alien… most significantly, she loves me… which she says often.

Even more significant than all of that… Having changed major world time zones in a very short space of time, I fell asleep watching the movie Cars with her at her request and insistence… “Likie-Keen… [Lightning McQueen] Likie-Keen… on da computa… in dere… your office…” So having fallen asleep on her stuffed white seal as a pillow… I woke up briefly to see that this little two year and 5 days old girl, went into the closet, took out a thin blue sheet, spread it all over me… and pulled it up to my neck to tuck me in.

With all the wealth and wonder in the world… this has got to be the single most amazing phenomenon… love.

So this trip to San Francisco has been amazing. I left New York a bit too early… and was a bit down for two days… but then the most glorious series of events took place here… and I am very happy. I went on a road trip with our childhood family friend Astrid… and now all inspiration has been rejuvenated.

So the back story… Astrid and her twin sister Gwyneth grew up with my older sisters and two cousins. I was not a part of this band of friends… because I was considered the baby. It was still a very close group of people who are still friends today, more than 35 years later… in Australia [where the cousins are now] in San Francisco [where the twins are now] and in Jamaica [ where my sisters are now].

I had the most amazing time driving around with Astrid, who literally lives in a fairytale cottage [our cousin as she describes us]. She is wise beyond measure… and some how our current situations in life lead themselves to the most inspiring conversations in the past two days. More significantly, they were defined by a spirit of adventure that was planted in each of us by my mother in those very early childhood days. Read more

Signs have no more significant meaning than the prescribing authority. Everything that is to be will be… and only the Creator knows the beginning and the end.

“Life is one big road, with lots of signs.” - Tenor Saw, the prophet

… and now I am at peace with my own process.It is time to fight the good fight.

I no longer speak of dreams; and I no longer eat chicken. I wear one of two pairs of shoes and twentifive polo shirts that are almost all white. And in this particular moment in time, I am making a concerted effort to get out of this damned hotel room… and go and see the beauty of this glorious city. For whom do I wait? To answer which call? Be a man; focus on your priority… and know that it will be ok. One day. As Samini says, “that’s the sound of the sufferah’s cry… One day I’ll be okay, yeah.”

Do not sit here and miss the once in a lifetime San Francisco parade. Do not miss the opportunity to buy gifts and clothes for your children. Do not miss the opportunity to visit the banquet held in honor of your father by the President of the APA. Do not wait for your life to begin. Start it now… let go… “and keep movin’ on cause that’s the only road; such a rocky and a stony road… man a lone ranger, expose’ to all kinda danger, cause true I man praise Jah.” - Samini

Get up. get out. get going. “One Day I’ll be okay, yeah… oh yeah!” - Samini

A few nights ago, i wrote a piece on the blog called “the hurricane.” Its visuals and content were so visual and disturbing that i oftwn question whether the readers of this blog think that i am sick, disturbed or deranged.

Well… my actions should be the measure by which i am judged. So… what was the hurricane really about?

Having only explained this to one person, it may make sense to put it out into the world.

I have been on a very spiritual journey; along the road, I have searched for God, for my purpose and for peace. In this quest, i found myself on a motorcycle driving through a very dark and sandy road… with wind and sand and moisture blowing into my eyes. I could do nothing to stop it. I could only sit through it… because this was the path along which I was traveling… and I was not the rider, I was the passenger.

For me, this is a bit like the notion of faith… because when you are in a place of doubt or not knowing… when you are not in control of the path… when you have to rely on faith… there really is nothing that you can do but simply go with the flow. If you trust the journey, you will not be able to get off the bike nor control the wind. If you close your eyes, you have to trust your balance in more profound ways… and if you keep them open, you truly truly see how painful it is to walk in faith… for it shatters all illusions.

I am not a born again Christian or anything like that; in fact to many I am the distinct opposite. All I know is when you are searching for something… be careful what you ask for… because invariably, you get it… and invariably, it is what you are looking for, but not exactly how you expect it to unfold.

Some are searching for love in dirty sheets, some in pulpits. I am on a singular journey… and it hurt like hell to see through the sand. It also revealed to me that you have to take the sand out of your own eyes before trying to remove sand from the eyes of another.

I cannot judge anyone… I have much to fix on my own.